Wednesday, October 16, 2013

I Still Remember...

So for the last many months I have been talking to and helping a dear friend who has decided to place her baby for adoption. I feel it an honor that she would turn to me for help and guidance but at the same time my heart aches for what she is about to do... It has been 3 1/2 years since I placed my sweet Sarah for adoption and as the time draws closer for my friend to have her baby the emotions of that day flood my memory and heart. I still remember the first moment I looked at her beautiful face and saw that head of black hair, I remember when they placed her in my arms for the first time and I could feel her precious little body breath and move... I remember every little face she made and how it felt to have her cuddle into my chest for the first time. It was such a beautiful and heart breaking day. I can remember holding her and thinking to myself "how am I ever going to be able to give her over? I love her so much!" then I remembered that is the exact reason I WILL be able to hand her over. I loved my daughter so much I was willing and wanting to do what ever it took to give her the life I knew I couldn't give her at that time and place in my life. I remember feeling like there was no amount of pain that would be too much if I could only see her truly happy. With a mother and a father who would love, protect, teach, guide and listen to her... My precious Sarah has all of that an so much more. Seeing her happy is what healed my pain and heart ache. I was able to move on with my life because I knew what I had done was right. The below picture is of when I got to hold Sarah for the first time.
To my dear friend. I shed many tears for you, both sad and happy ones. Remember that the Lord can and will heal all pain if we simply ask. Remember that when he knelt in Gethsemane he experienced your deepest regrets and pains. You are not alone and you are not forgotten. You have a whole team of people cheering for you and loving you. Never forget that you are precious to the Lord and to the people around you, you deserve happiness... I can tell you from my own experience that when the day comes to have a baby that you get to take home you will love them with a passion and sincerity that you never knew you possessed because you truly know what a GIFT it is to be a mom. You will realize how beautiful that title really is and the responsibility that lays behind it. It is an honor to be a Birth Mom and I love being one...

Thursday, September 12, 2013

I am going to try and be better...

I can't believe the last time I wrote a blog entry was a year ago. I can be such a slacker when it comes to this kind of thing and I apologize. Boy do I have a lot to catch you up on. Lets start from where I left off.
As you can see Mark and I wasted no time in getting our family started. Though Joseph (J) was not planned he has been an incredible blessing, and can I just say I LOVE BEING A MOTHER AND WIFE!!! Our wedding and receptions were nothing short of perfect. Though, the in between stuff got a little crazy haha. For instance, my friend who was doing my cake called the day of my wedding and told me she could no longer do it.. Thank goodness for a super woman sister who popped out a wedding cake in 2 HOURS!! It was beautiful!
We were married in the Idaho Falls Temple for time and all eternity..
It was truly one of the happiest days of my life. Another thing that made my wedding nothing short of sublime was that Kim, Nick, Lucy and sweet Sarah got to come to my wedding. Kim was even one of my bridesmaids. After the wedding it wasn't long before we figured our I was pregnant (Hello honeymoon baby!! ha!). My pregnancy with sweet J was not easy. I always had something going wrong but I just kept my head up and kept positive with the thought of getting to meet my son. J was born on April 19th, 2013
He is named after Marks brother who sadly passed away at the beginning of this year. I am currently working on writing my adoption story and promoting Foot Zoning. I am discovering hidden talents lately and I feel so blessed for the life I am making with my hubby and child. Every day I learn more about how life is about attitude, effort, love and faith. I love that I am finally living my lifes dream of being a mother and wife, everything from here on out is just a bonus ;)